2005-05-20
Jokes with realistic endings
Ok,as funny as that picture was,I think my last entry might have been a little bit of a downer,me feeling sorry for myself once again.So at that I give to you a couple jokes I came across on this webpage called'Somethingawful.com"
They were entitled-
"Jokes with realistic endings"
Maybe you'll get them,maybe you won't.
Keep in mind they were going for realism,not slap humor.
And here they are-
1.Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because it was just the decomposing remains of a long forgotten murder case in a remote field.
2.Jesus is hanging on the cross and John approaches.
John says: "Jesus, its John. How may I serve thee ain thy time of need?"
Jesus replies: "YEEEAAAAAAAARGGHGGGHGGHGGGHGGHGGH!!!!!"
3.A man walks into a bar
He drinks 6 Newcastles, 4 shots of Jack Daniels, hits on the waitress unsuccessfully, takes his wedding ring off, tried again and fails, drinks 3 more shots, drives home, beats his daughter for coming home late, and cries himself to sleep realizing that he hates his life.
4.A man walks into a bar.
He is an alcoholic whose drinking problem is destroying his family.
5.Where did Hitler keep his armies?
The brunt of his forces were applied to the Eastern front, but throughout different periods of the war, a sizable chunk were used to protect the Atlantic Wall and a handful of divisions were used in Africa, to secure shipping routes.
6.A kid is riding down the street when his chain pops off his bicycle. The kid yells "God damm!" as he begins to fix it. A priest walking nearby overhears the boy taking god's name in vein and says "Don't say 'God damm' say 'God help us'".
The kid says, "I am an atheist, get away from me".
7.There once was a man from Nantucket. He owned a sailboat. I haven't seen him in years.
8.Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house?
No.
Well, it's really nice.
9.Why was six afraid of seven?
It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear.
10.What's worse then finding a worm in your apple?
The Holocaust.
Well,there you go.Perhaps they won't make you giggle as much as me,but hey,I'm weird.
Also I don't really agree with the last joke about the apple,but hey,I'm a dick,ha ha ha!!
Also,Dave you'll have to let me know if #5 is historically accurate,Where did Hitler keep his armies?
Oh and Meggy,I hope my little joke on your guestbook didn't cause any trouble,I was venting my anger at certain somone's who leave stupid messages with stupid names,yeah stupid stupid!he he he
Night night!
1:48 a.m. 
by Timm Jumper
