2002-08-10
The nothing ......
Alot of things I'd like to say this morning,but I'm afraid I've only the brain capacity to stick to a subject or 2 without getting too confused or incoheirent.Ok let's start off with something I was thinking on the way home.
I came across an idea,a way to explain the way I feel lately.
It goes back to a reference to a movie I made in an earlier entry.
There is a movie I loved as a child called'The never ending story".Anyway I'm sure most of you have seen it.
In it there was this "villain" called "the nothing"
It was basically a complete blacknees,an overwhelming emptiness that was conquering the land of fantasia.
it came about because people were loosing hope,loosing dreams,giving up on fantasies,People were forgetting how to dream,hope ,and fantasies of a better life where anything was possible.
I know this is simply a childs story,but I fear like most stories it is based on a truth,a truth that we are giving up,loosing hope,and have given in to mindless,brain-numbing televison,loosing grasp of dreams and fantasy.
I often feel this"Nothing".I feel like I am slowly being deteriated into a blackness due to heartache,loss of hope and emptiness.
I fear 'm rottig away due to my negative outlook on life and sadness.
Where is my atrail,well I think thats his name.Where is my valcore,my "luck-dragon.
Ironicaly enough my family used to compare my dog to this character, well he's dead. Maybe he symbolyzed my childhood dreams and inner sense of hope and dreams.but hey all things die,all things change and move to the next stage of exisitance,so it's very arrogent of me to try to excuse a complex emotion of depresion and hoplessness on such a simple action of life,I've accepted what happened and moved on in a way.
There is something much deeper then that to my lack of joy and hope.
I do have one thing to smile about though.
I know I am loved ,no matter what,more people have been telling me so.
You know who you are,and I'm soo glad you did.
Don't worry or feel embarassed.It really does help,and makes me smile.
If I can simply learn to see myself the way you do,I'll be fine,and maybe even accomplish something and make you all proud.
Thank you,
I love everyone who cares about me,ecspeacially those who see past the trivial things and truly appreciate what I have to say.
goodnight,I hope this entry wasn't as depressing as my previous rants and quarels with myself..he he p.s...I apologize for the horrible grammar and spelling..Ive been drinking ok..sorry
6:17 a.m. 
by Timm Jumper
