2002-03-04
What the hell am I talking about now?
Yes,I know I just recently wrote a couple entry's.but I'm still in a writning mood so blah.
I really hope I can keep up this whole secure-somewhat happiness I've been having.Usually I get in good moods,and seem to have things figured out,an Idea of what I need to do.But of course then ,hours,or even minuets later something goes wrong and I start freaking out and get extremeley depressed again.
Maybe this is more then just another "up"
in my constant cycle of mood swings.I sure hope so.I've been working,and I actually seem to enjoy it somewhat.But then again that always happens within the first couple weeks of a job for me ,so who knows?
I feel a little closer to my dreams.
and speaking of dreams ,a reacuring dream I've been having has given me a little bit of hope in a long -going heart ache of mine.
A dream of being loved by one who to me,is the whole purpose of love,the reason why artist create art,the reason musicians,write such beautiful melodies,Even the reason cavemen drew on walls.
In a way I can't help to be frightened that I might "jinx" myself by saying such things,but then again I feel the only reason "jinxes" work is because people dwell on the fact that good things must be eventually replaced by pain .
Although it alot of times seems to be that way,I truly belive it's because we believe it to be so.
Alot of us really have no clue as to how much we actually control are existence.
that just the fact that we know something to be true is why it is true.
If I'm not mistaken ,A wise man once said " I think ,therfore I am"Which to me means The only reason we exist ,is because we know we exist.The power of thought is one of the most powerful forces of all.
Negativity is an extremely strong thought.We've been taught that certain things can't be real,or that we can only do so much,and the fact that we truly believe that is why it's true.
Break free of all doubt.Figure life,and existence out for yourself.There is alot more to life then what has been taught and pushed upon us as the truth.Don't just try to believe something you want to be true,know it's true,and then it will be.I know this seems like a very radical idea,ecspecially coming from someone with no proof ,and a drinking problem,but I think too often we tend to judge a message based on the messenger.It doesen't matter who said what,it's what was said that is important.
ok. I'm done blabbering for now.
Au revoir.
et bon soi.
3:35 a.m. 
by Timm Jumper
