2006-08-28
Jesus loves me and chinese food
I'm home now.Itchy from a recovering sunburn, and worn from, well I'm not sure.
It's odd that I feel the need to recover from a vacation.
Isn't the point of a vacation to relax and get away from all the stress and everyday chores of life?
It was beautiful to say the least.
I actually remember most of it too, to my dismay I didn't indulge nearly as much as I thought I would.
Oh, I did, don't get me wrong I was indeed a drunken pirate, but never went "overboard".
I hate, absolutely despise coming back to life.
Bills and work and last minuet attempts to prepare myself for school just add to this overwhelming feeling of sedation.
Sleep, wonderful sleep.To dream it all away.
It's scary when that's the happiest part of my day, sleeping.
Maybe I can get a job sleeping for a living.
A nocturnal technician of sorts.
On a more humorous, slightly odd note, I was given a message from Jesus today.
Yes, I was leaving the Chinese buffet with my Grandma, when a man, (in desperate need of medication and immediate psychiatric attention), approached me at my vehicle.
He said " excuse me, I normally don't do this but...,"
At this point I see him palming some change and figured I dropped some and he was returning it to me, of course I was wrong as he continued to go on saying," but when you first walked by me on the way in Jesus spoke to me and told me I needed to tell you he loves you!",
Ah shit it's my favorite type of nut, the religous nut!
Anyway, he informs me he told Jesus he didn't feel comfortable or something, but on my way out Jesus again spoke to him and insisted he tells me Jesus Loves Me!
I stood there in complete awe at how insane this man must be that he actually thinks Jesus is speaking to him in Chinese buffets about me, followed by a barrage of profane responses I was holding back with all my will, until finally I just got out my cell phone and said, "Jesus left me a message did he?, well what's his number?, I'll give him a call back then"
He laughed and said 1-800-Jesus-baby!.
Ok ok ,my first thought was ,no that's too many numbers asshole, now it's obvious you're full of shit, then I just kept up my "get the fuck away from me look" and told him "Alright man, take it easy and try not to drink as much."
He laughed and got in his Jesus mobile and most likely went on his daily business of masturbating to the bible on tape and checking his mental voicemails from Christ.
Well,
I don't even know what to say other then Holy leaping dog shit!
How fucking gone do you have to be?
Believe whatever the hell you want, but please at least try to keep one foot out of the insanity tub and leave me the fuck alone or I'll have to...Oh shit just a sec I just got a text message...Oh wow it's Jesus!...he says...
"Timm, that guy was a liar, you're ok as a fried I guess but love?, c'mon, also that fag never got me my fried rice which is why I sent him to the Chinese buffet in the first damn place, Holy fucking Me what a douche, peace niece!
-Big J.C."
3:35 p.m. 
by Timm Jumper
