2005-05-30
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Everyone has at least 2 lives.I'm not talking in the Kitty cat 9 live -7 way.
I'm talking of the who you are around who is there.
A home face,a work face,open friend, acquaintance,family....etc...
Me,I am a Chamelion at times.
I tend to adapt to who is around me.
Am I fake?,or do I simply see what I have in common ,and focus on that,in an attempt to make the situation most comfortable at all times.
I'm not sure what brought thses thoughts on.
Pehaps I came across this idea tonight.
There are certain people I meet in which I can chat for hours of shared interests,such as music and childhood relics favored by both,yet that just might be the most of it,and how long would that last before the conversations grow thin and my shell falls off.
Then there are those in which I can dissagree with about any random topic,yet will never get bored,a bond formed before concrete opinions and all that shit that makes us ..us.
There is a stranger in my house as we speak.
Mother dear has ,in one blind date,found a new love interest.
He is nice enough,speaks his mind ,even if there is not much of it to speak, but reactions to whatever flickers before him,yet I find myself horriblley uncomfortable.
Not that I hate,just that I feel myself in that constant"artifical politness" mode,You know,the one you engage in at work,in order to cope with customers and co-workers simply to keep an otherwise intolerable situation as pleasant as possible.
This is not the feeling,not the face i would like to wear at home.
While at home I kick off my shoes and let the comfortable craziness out of my finely tucked shirt whilest lounging around,not pretending to gice a fuck about what some stranger has to say.
I understand,I am too fucking old to be in this situation,which is due to my laziness,immaturity,and lack of responsibilty for my own being,Fuck! 25 is not the age to get pissed about"mom's boyfriend" 10-17 perhaps.
Only way I can look at it is to take this as a well needed kick in the ass to straighten the fuck up ,and get the fuck out for good.
None of this "I can't make it ,mommy help shit"
Fuck!!!!
This entry got alittle more personal then I intended,but fuck it,I need this to be here,so I can wake up tomorrow and read what my tired,have drunken conscience wanted me to hear.
night night kiddos!
1:58 a.m. 
by Timm Jumper
