2003-10-05
What?...
I'm tired,and I'm drifting.I'm tired of drifting,or maybe of trying not to drift so much.
I fear responsiblity,yet find myself forced to confront it now.
It's simply not me.I suppose I would like to,but I think I'd much rather enjoy staying a child,in awe of everything around me,enjoying the mysteries of everything and anything.
I fear I've learned too much for my own good.
I think alot of us do that.We discover the ugly truth behind everything and something dies in us.
There is no Santa,there is no Oz.The majority of the world would murder you for a dollar had they not been raised in fear.
I despise fear,yet am controlled by it,and it sickens me to realize I rely on it for my own comfortability.
I've let go a little,but wish I could let go more.
Too many people I love wouldn't,and I'm too afraid to sacrafice love for freedom from fear.
There must be a middle ground or a way around this.
I suppose i could let go completely in my mind,see what I want,and hear what i need.
Lock myself in a room,paint the walls with my feces,while threatning anyone who dares enter my"reality" with a pellet gun and a choice vocabulary consisting mainly of profanities and gibberish.
"Fuck off you bastard horse fucking,hate soliciting sons of bitches,cock!! cock!!!
Blahh,weegle weegle zimm zamm falaaggledip whore suck!
He He,I love you all!!"
I swear I'm still somewhat sane,just tired.
3:47 a.m. 
by Timm Jumper
