2002-01-08
The begining,A time for change
Well I haven't really written any thoughts in a long time ,except for the occasional song or two,so this to me is a new beginnig.A chance to explore my mind.A chance to free all the trapped emotions and creativity that usually just gets absorbed into a void of random thought .Basically what I want to do is ,well,help.Help myself ,and possibly help others understand.I truly feel alot of us are "lost" out there .I know I am ,but I'm trying to find some kind of way out,some kind of "sanity" in a world where hardly anything makes sense.I think alot,and I feel alot.I think of why things are ,and what could be done ,and why we act the way we do.I try desperately to understand why we simply ignore what we have,what we truly need,simply by focusing on what's trivial,what's really not important to us.
I watch,and listen,I observe our behavior and it just simply bewilders me that we can never seem to except the truly important things in life.We find something wonderful,like love,or friendship ,or any other gift in life and instead of just appreciating what we have,instead of saying"wow, I have love,or friends" we focus on the why ,or how or what if."why do they love me, how did i get this'What if it leaves.
Basically what I'm trying to say is it's not what we have or receive in life,it's how we see or respond to it that makes life what it is.We have all the potential to be a loving ,positive people,but we always seem to focus on the negative.
I know I do the same at times,I don't want to be hypicritical,but I'm trying.I really trying to see what I'm doing,and now I really want to change.I want to set an example.
I know I'm not often happy,actually I'm usually pretty down,but I don't usually show it,But that's exactly why I need to do this.It's not the fact that life is shit,or everyone is against me.It's simply mt attitude towards life.
What you truly believe ,is what will be.If you think everything is wrong,the world is shit and always will be,Well guess what ,It WILL!!not because it really is,but because you see it like that ,you focused so hard it happened.
I hear people constantly say the phrase"Things were better when I was a child" or "I was so much happier when I was young" I know some people have had rough childhoods and might not agree with that ,but for the most part people would agree.Now why is that?Do you really think life was better,the world that different.The same kind of problems we see today existed when we were young.The only difference is how we veiwed it then.Some may say we were young and naive,but what I think is, we just didn't let what wasn't important to us bother us.I was very happy as a child and when I got older I hear of all these things that happened ,like deaths,tragedys,being poor or not having some kind of possesion I wanted,and you know what,I was still happy.When and why did we loose that quality to keep a positive outlook.As children we had a certain humbleness, and understanding quality,but as we got older we lost and replaced it with,fear,greed,anger and judgement.We never judged as children.We may have been frighten by first appearences ,but we always reacted positively to kindness no matter who was being kind.We didn't act differently if they looked different or talked diferent.But somewhere along the line we were taught to judge.
I guess I'm getting off track a little,but it's really hard for me to pour out my thoughts one at a time without releasing them all.I have alot bundled up in my mind and I'm finally letting them out , so it's hard to stick to one thought.
Anyway,as I said before,this is just a begeinning,A new start for me .Hopefully I can share alot more ,and we can start to have a better understanding of what we truly should be doing
untill my next enrty,a farewell.
-Timmy
3:26 a.m. 
by Timm Jumper
