2005-11-14
A dream
I had alot of weird dreams last night, but one in particular really disturbed me.It wasn't really the content, or a disturbing scene, just the mind frame I was in.
I felt this horrid, unshakeable depression,and something was simply "wrong" with my mind.
I felt this inability to be attached with reality, like all my liittle discomforts and inabilities to stay focused or have a somewhat optimistic veiw completely overwhelmed me, I apparently had finally snapped and had been having hallucinations and was being overwhelmed with fear.
My mother was there and I kept saying, "I need help,please I think you need to take me somewhere, to a hospital or something, My mind is just too fucked up, I'm not ok, I'm not ok at all!!"
I was crying alot too because it felt so horrible.
I often have my down time and I've been lying in bed alot and those horrible thoughts start to creep in before I fall asleep, but I just try to shake them out, and my dreams give me a false reality in which I can escape for awhile, but last night they made it worse, to the point where even upon waking up I still had this horrible feeling and I called off work.
I just wanted to stay in bed all day and not even move, I wanted to never get up again.
Eventually I started to realize It was just a dream, got out of bed and tried to think of something else.
Still, the whole day I've been in this strange,down mood, wondering how far from the truth that dream really was.
I hope it was just sick fear, and not one of my strange precognitive dreams.
I have thought about it alot though.
How much further will I go before it caves in and I'm completely detached and just curled up in a black little cavern in my mind shaking and crying.
10:45 p.m. 
by Timm Jumper
