2002-07-08
-
I've been away from life too long.I think this might have been the worse day in awhile.I really don't know how to deal with pain,I need to grow up I guess.
I feel like absolute shit but at the same time a little better.I got to say alot of things I've been holding inside for years and now I actually feel sort of "cleansed".
I really want to apologize to everyone who loves me.You know who you are and I love all of you.I hurt myself too much and never take into consideration that I hurt you too.I've been drinking and hurting myself alot and I know now that I don't need to risk my life to be loved or to gain attention.It is very selfish of me and immature.I will try and make a concsious effort to care about myself more.
I just need some clarity,some kind of answer to some questions I've been soo affraid to ask.
I need to accept certain things and move on,I need to stop ignoring life and stop dwelling on pain.
Somone I love more then anything told me"what's the point in being sad all the time"
Well I think that's what was said..but they are right.It's ok for me to use it a little for music,but I've been dwelling on my sadness and it's eating my body and mind.
You are right about soo much,I love you
till I write again
-by bye
5:18 p.m. 
by Timm Jumper
