2002-04-06
Goodbye,I love you!!
AHhhhhhhh!!!I'm going insane,If not gone already
No matter what I did,or said,or tried to do ,in order to prepare myself for the absenece of the last thread of my childhood,I still don't quite know how to cope.
Yes ,yes I had a horrific tantrum/panic attack yesterday ,but tonight I came home and simply fucking lost it.I was out signing with friends and then went to somones house to "hang out".After about 2 hours I freaked out and hid in the bathroom,claiming"I don't wanna be around people right now!!"
'm so sorry if I was mean ,I think I was just trying to disconnect from you so it wouldn't hurt as much.FUck!!! I was wrong!!!
It still hurts alot!
I can hear you .Hear you walking around .Down my steps.
I love you ,but right now I'm afraid.
I'm pretty sure I have a better understanding of this sort of thing then most people ,but it's still sooo hard.
Am I fucking insane?
Have I finally snapped and slipped into the void of insanity?
or are you still here?not ready to say goodbye quite yet.?
Since I was 6,you were with me,when I was sad you were sad with me,When I was sick you stayed in bed with me,.For years I was alone, called you my only friend.
I'm so sorry I forgot,and you were hurt by me.
Thank you ,thank you forever and ever for being my friend and loving me no matter how I treated you.
Tears stream from my eyes as I write ,so It's kinda hard to get this out,but I know,I know you haven't vanised forever,You simply took the next step of existene.Youv'e gone out ,into the energy,the warm,wonderful place we all come from,and you wait and watch.
Maybe you'll come back in my next best friend.I hope so.
I had your departure planned a little ,but it was interrupted.I'm sorry.
A song I sang,when you first arrived to me.I lullaby ,you calmed down an layed on me .I will sing it in my mind and heart whenever I think of you.I hope you hear it forever,And know I will love you always.
Goodbye for now my bestest friend forever.
I love you soo much!!!
-your timmy
4:21 a.m. 
by Timm Jumper
